Leaders of the Gang Bang! Five Great Movie Group Gropes...

Eyes Wide Shut
Locale: A mansion somewhere outside new York, in what looks like the English countryside.
Participants: A mysterious group of high-living decadents, but not Tom Cruise, who wanders around without ever getting any action.
Kink level: Fairly high, as most of the participants are naked except for weird-looking masks.
Fun factor: It's a bit joyless, especially for the Cruiser. Still, it's nice that all the schtupping is so meticulously art-directed.

Up Pompeii
Locale: The Pompeiian villa of Senator Ludicrous Sextus (Michael Hordern), circa AD 79.
Participants: Ancient Roman types with silly names: Ammonia (Barbara Murray), Bilius (Lance Percival) and Erotica (Madeline Smith), to name but three.
Kink level: It's hard to get worked up about steamy sex involving Lance Percival or Michael Hordern. But schoolboys who sneaked into this in 1971 still remember Madeline Smith getting out of the bath.
Fun factor: Well, the film does end with a volcanic eruption.

Shivers
Locale: The swimming pool of the soulless Starliner Towers, an apartment block in Toronto.
Participants: Everyone in the block who has been infected by parasites that look like fecal slugs and drive their hosts to express themselves sexually.
Kink level: This is early David Cronenberg, so through the roof (literally, at one point). No matter how jaded you are, you might still find the scenes involving old women or schoolgirls shocking.
Fun factor: The stripping nurse (Lynn Lowry) is quite appealing.

Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom
Locale: A castle in Salo, a Nazi-controlled Italian rump republic.
Participants: Four dignitaries, 16 youths and girls, "studs" (men with big dicks) and "diseuses" (women who talk about sex).
Kink level: High; compared to director Pier Paolo Pasolini, David Cronenberg is a charter member of the National Viewers' and Listeners' Association.
Fun factor: Minimal - all shit-eating, humiliation and torture.

The Idiots
Locale: A garden in Denmark.
Participants: A group of young-ish folk who pretend to be retarded. One day, chanting, "Gang bang!", they take off their clothes and have group sex.
Kink level: One couple are actually "doing it".
Fun factor: Well, they're a bunch of people who enjoy sex out of doors in nice weather. We have no problem with that, so long as the don't frighten the horses.
KIM NEWMAN

First Published In: Empire no.127 (January 2000) p.76

Visit Kim's Official Website at www.johnnyalucard.com