The Case of the Full Moon Murders [1974]

After he produced Last House on the Left, Sean S. Cunningham produced and co-directed [with Brad Talbot] this jokey vampire sex film - it uses actors known for their X-rated work [like the legendary Harry Reems] and was explicit enough to lose much of its running time for the BBFC-certificated version, but seems always to have been a softcore picture. In a parody of Linda Lovelace in Deep Throat, Emma [Sheila Stuart] is a confused young woman who learns that her physical peculiarities mean she can only satisfy herself by fellating guys: whereas Linda had her clitoris where her tonsils ought to be, Emma is a vampire who finds that she can draw blood best while going down on her victims. A couple of cops [Fred Lincoln of Last House and Ron Brown] who talk in the abbreviated, clipped style of the TV show Dragnet - or, rather in the manner of the Dragnet parody in The Little Shop of Horrors - investigate a series of mystery deaths in which male corpses are found with enormous erections and prominent smiles [for once, the UK retitling is a witty improvement]. The Van Helsing figure is Silverman [Reems], who sheaths his huge penis in silver and has sex with the vampire - his organ evidently being large enough to penetrate her entire body and pierce her heart.
KIM NEWMAN

First Published In: Shivers [issue unknown]

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