Bite Me! [2004]

A silly, trashy monster effort from Shock-o-Rama, which is the horror arm of the Seduction Cinema softcore empire [The Erotic Witch Project, Gladiator Eroticus, etc]. A stash of 'genetically-engineered' marijuana comes into the possession of Ralph Vivino [Michael R. Thomas], the sleazy owner of a New Jersey strip-club, the Go-Go Saurus [surrounded by giant dinosaur models]. Large spiders fed on the stuff creep out and bite people, with unpredictable, red kryptonite style results. A bartender [Sylvianne Chebance] and a lady mobster [Julian Wells] become wanton lesbians, though in less explicit manner than the folks at Seduction Cinema are used to. A stridently paranoid federal agent [John Fedele] becomes a mutant bug-man and a timid stripper [Misty Mundae] turns into a camouflage-clad action woman. It has enthusiastic rather than effective effects, and spends a lot of time on chatter around the strip club before any spider action starts, with panto-broad characterisations and unsubtle performances, plus a deal of extraneous plot business to pad out the running time – focusing on the state of the club's business affairs and the plight of a short-sighted stripper [Erika Smith]. Directed and written by Brett Piper.
KIM NEWMAN

First published in this form here.

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