Bite Me! (2004)

A silly, trashy monster effort from Shock-o-Rama, which is the horror arm of the Seduction Cinema softcore empire (The Erotic Witch Project, Gladiator Eroticus, etc). A stash of 'genetically-engineered' marijuana comes into the possession of Ralph Vivino (Michael R. Thomas), the sleazy owner of a New Jersey strip-club, the Go-Go Saurus (surrounded by giant dinosaur models). Large spiders fed on the stuff creep out and bite people, with unpredictable, red kryptonite style results. A bartender (Sylvianne Chebance) and a lady mobster (Julian Wells) become wanton lesbians, though in less explicit manner than the folks at Seduction Cinema are used to. A stridently paranoid federal agent (John Fedele) becomes a mutant bug-man and a timid stripper (Misty Mundae) turns into a camouflage-clad action woman. It has enthusiastic rather than effective effects, and spends a lot of time on chatter around the strip club before any spider action starts, with panto-broad characterisations and unsubtle performances, plus a deal of extraneous plot business to pad out the running time – focusing on the state of the club's business affairs and the plight of a short-sighted stripper (Erika Smith). Directed and written by Brett Piper.
KIM NEWMAN

First published in this form here.

Visit Kim's Official Website at www.johnnyalucard.com